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Episode••31 min

354: [Denise Joseph] Build Confidence with Whole Brain Thinking

I get the opportunity to speak with Denise Joseph of Called to Confidence about how we can turn our thoughts into action, build confidence and overcome imposter syndrome. Denise Joseph’s main focus is on the intersection of cognitive thinking patterns, effective communication, and personal purpose, often framed through a faith-based lens. Her work centers on the idea that understanding how one's mind is "wired" is the key to both professional success and personal fulfillment. More about Denise https://www.youtube.com/@Calledintoconfidence www.linkedin.com/in/dmdjose Support the show (Every dollar helps keep condiments in the fridge) Buy me a coffee: https://buymeacoffee.com/aboutthatwallet Patreon: https://patreon.com/aboutthatwallet https://aboutthatwallet.com Join Monthly newsletter: aboutthatwallet.com/newsletter Disclaimer The information in this podcast is for general informational and educational purposes only and does not constitute financial, legal, or tax advice. Please consult with a qualified professional for advice tailored to your individual circumstances. Episode 354

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Transcript

0:00

Welcome back, everybody, back to another exciting show, the about that Water podcast, where we help the sandwich generation build strong financial habits so that they can talk about money, spend money, and enjoy their money with confidence. Today I have somebody who is actually focused on helping you build confidence. And she's actually the founder of called into confidence. She has 15 years experience in the public health sector as a H, B D I, which is a Herman brain dominance instrument. I want to say that expert that helps people bridge communication gaps and align their thinking with their divine calling. Welcome to the show. Denise Joseph. How you been?

0:44

Well, thank you for inviting me.

0:47

Of course. You know, it's always fun bringing on somebody that outside of the financial realm, but to really help us with our psyche, because finance is not everything. It's just a piece of paper, some numbers. But it's what we do with our money that really helps us achieve the lifestyle that we want. And one of the things is confidence. So what does confidence mean to you?

1:13

So it means just being able to have the courage to walk in what you're called to do. And so something I write different recently about the science of the brain and how the brain works is that confidence is just stepping into something that may be uncomfortable. And so you. It's just having the courage to step into it. And so that is what helps you build confidence. And so for me, that's what confidence is. It's just making a bold decision and stepping into it and saying, okay, I'm going to choose to invest in myself, and this is the direction I'm going to go. Mm.

1:47

I like that. Because in your own life, you've came from another country to come here. Like, what was that transition like? Because a lot of people don't have confidence to go to another state yet alone. A whole nother country.

2:01

Yes. I migrated. Excuse me. I immigrated here from Trinidad and Tobago. It's a small little island in the Caribbean. And it was scary. It was between, like, having an accent, my sensitivity, my way of seeing the world. And I feel like it was costing me socially in a way. Right. I would come to my parents and I would say, people were making fun of me, and they were just like, oh, just suck it up. Right. Or I wasn't given any room to just be able to say, well, this is how I feel, and this is what it. So it cost me, in a way, my creativity, my joy. And then even eventually, at some point, it started to affect my health. And so, you know, it wasn't just external, it was internal. That was happening for me, right like fighting like the belief of how I was created. It was like almost like I felt like it was a problem to fix. And so, yeah, that in itself was just an adventure.

3:03

Wow. Yeah. I just recently came from visiting Tobago because I was in island beach and, you know, floating in the sand.

3:14

Yes.

3:16

Yeah. And it's actually interesting that I felt more home there because it didn't seem like I was looking over my shoulder for anything or felt as if because of my accent, more than likely people accepted me for what I looked like first before I said anything. Soon as I opened up my mouth, the price went up. So that's funny, it said a closest one to some doubles and it was like, oh, it's $10. I'm like, where does $10 come? Should be $6 minimum, you know, maybe $8 if you throw some extra stuff.

3:53

But yeah, you need to come with a trinity. Come with me.

3:59

Yeah, because building that confidence to just go up and go. But also I want to think about it from an aspect of just our day to day lives. What is something that we can do right now to kind of help build that confidence in far as, let's just say, applying for a new job to leave the old one.

4:19

So I kind of did that indirectly with not applying for a new job. It was stepping into what I was called to do, which is open up a business. Right. Called into confidence. And so I was sitting on my couch, so to speak, one day and I just decided, like, what am I doing? Like, yes, I have this stable ish government job and I'm like, all right, so what am I called to do? Is this it? Am I just going to collect a paycheck and then, you know, 50, 60, I turn 65 or 60 and it's great, it's time to go. And so for me, confidence was trying to understand who I am. And so a couple years ago, I came across a framework called hbdi, which I'm going to call Whole brain dominance, Whole brain thinking, because it's just much easier to say. And it helped me understand how I think and how I show up. And that was really the catalyst for me to really realize, like, wait a second, what's going on here and how I think and how I show up. And when I took the assessment, I sat with it and I was like, oh, this is it and this is how I think. And so that's kind of how I build confidence is every day stepping into something that's different and stretching my brain to do something that doesn't come natural to Me so.

5:40

Cause I always build confidence. Like I was under the belief to build confidence you need at least competence of the item before you can. You gotta put in your reps to do it. So versus like a one time thing. It's like applying for a job. Like you gotta put out at least 20 to 30 applications to feel confident. It was like, eh, I gotta know this time. All right, well just wait for the next one. And so how do we build that resolve or that, not that resolve, but that resiliency of getting those rejections as we trying to learn this new thing or build that self confidence?

6:21

So it's, it's the, it's the like you said, the resolve of doing it over and over. But it's also. There are times you want to give up, right? There are times you're like, well that was another no, like here we go again. You know. But it's, it's having the courage to keep going in spite of. And that's the piece that I think a lot of us miss. It's that courage piece, right? We may step out and apply for the job and then we get rejected and then we talk ourselves. And that's another thing that the brain does. It, it basically tells us, the brain tricks you and rewards you for not doing the right thing. And so sit with that for a second. Right? You get, basically the brain is rewarding you for being lazy, for talking negative about yourself, for basically not doing the right thing. And so it's constantly stepping out and doing something that's uncomfortable that's building your courage. It's not just sitting there like, oh, it's okay, another one will come along that's just making you feel good. It's not really giving you the courage and the confidence.

7:27

Because I'm looking at the photo behind you, which is the Last Supper and you know, with the depiction of Jesus in the center, to have the courage, or even I guess you could say the confidence to sit there knowing that somebody's at the table that betrayed him and knowing who that person is and how to oust him. Like from a religious standpoint, is there any, I would say phrases that come to mind that you live by to kind of help remind yourself that hey, I am confident and I am determined to be here?

8:05

Yeah, I would say it's, you are God's masterpiece. It's in Ephesians, he says it's your his poema and the word means masterpiece. And so just remembering that no matter what it looks like, you are his masterpiece. And you're designed For a purpose. And it's just knowing that and holding onto that and no matter what. For me, it's just so freeing because I'm. You know, a lot of times we're told to be something that we're not, or we're told to try be something else. And actually, no, you're just called to be who you're called to be. But in order to walk in that confidence, you have to first know who are you called to be. Right?

8:46

Yeah.

8:47

So, yeah.

8:48

But take us through. There's something that you've done recently that has really taken a lot because, for one, writing the book has been. A lot of people wish they could write a book. They wish they had the courage to put their story and their lives into it. What was it for you that gave you the confidence to say, like, you know, I can really do this?

9:09

So I was. I had a. Actually a small business conference, and I was in a session, and the guy was like, hey, do you like reading? And I was like, yeah, I do. And he's like, whoever thought of writing a book? And I was like, absolutely not, right? And I was just like, this is crazy. But then he went through the steps, and I was like, I can do this, right? And he's like, especially if you want to build your business and you want people to put yourself out there, it's a great way to put yourself out there without having to put yourself out there, so to speak. Right? And I was like, all right. So that evening, I went home and I started brainstorming, and I was like, all right, I want to do something with my culture, my faith, and my business. And I was like, yeah. So it was like, culture, faith. And then my business is a science based. So I was like, there's no way I can do a science based, culture based, faith based. And then I just started looking at the tools and the things I have, and I. I just started writing. And then I was like, okay, let me find an editor or someone can help me brainstorm. And I started to do it, and I was like, okay, I'm doing it. So it started off scary, but it just took that little nudge. Sometimes I say it's just a little nudge to help you to go forward that we all need in our lives. And it can. It shows up in different ways, but you just have to be willing and be open to the signs that that's where you're called to go.

10:37

I like that because a lot of people use my podcast as a nudge. Like, hey, you know, I Never thought about having this conversation before with my parent or whoever, that child, or even themselves to build that confidence. Because right now, I'm formulating based on what you're telling me. To help build the confidence is one, you need almost like a catalyst, somebody or something that kind of kicks off the spark. Then secondly, it causes you to kind of think about the environment that you in. So you, like I say, you put yourself in a space with all the tools surrounding you, and then you need almost like a guide, somebody who was there to kind of walk you along the way. Is there anything else that I'm missing so far?

11:27

Think also at the beginning. It's. You already have it in your heart, right? So it's like when that. By the time that that nudge comes, it was already there, right? So it would just kind of like, sparked it. Like. One of my favorite books is called the garden within by Dr. Anita Phillips, and she talks about watering the garden. But the thing that a lot of people forget before is hope. We talk about love, we talk about faith, but we don't talk about hope. And without hope, what is it? What happens to the hope deferred? I think that was like Langston Hughes. I don't know. I'm just pulling stuff out of my head right now.

12:08

Okay, that's okay.

12:09

And, yeah, what happens to hope deferred? And that's the piece that we lose. A lot of us lose hope. We give up. We give up right before the breakthrough, right? And so it's that hope that we have to have within us. That. So when that message or that sign comes or that person comes, it's like, almost like, yes, that's it.

12:35

I never thought about that way. So tell me, can you tell me more? Like, has that shown up for you, though?

12:41

Yeah. So for me, it's like, I'll just feel like, oh, I just want to give up, right? Like, especially with the business. And I'm like, why am I doing this? And I just feel like, eeyore, woe is me. Nobody knows. And then all of a sudden, out of the blue, somebody will send me a text message or I'll see something, and I'm like. I start laughing. It's almost like little, like, God notes. That's like, okay, and. And. But you have to be open to receive it, right? And that's the piece that I think a lot of people miss is that being able to receive it, if you don't have the capacity or you're not opening up your heart to receive it, it'll just Bounce off.

13:20

I like. Well, because I'm thinking about when the time to take action. Because one of the things is, like, it might not be. It might not resonate with you now, but you still took in the information and you decided not to take any action on it until things just felt right to take that action. And one of the things that I realized in life, that we are given plenty of opportunities, plenty of chances, but it's up to us to decide on when we want to act on them. And that's the reason why I was thinking, like, confidence, in a way, it plays in so many areas of what we do day to day to make a choice and understanding that nothing is a choice. So I guess, when do you feel as though it's a good time to not do anything? To have the confidence to not do anything?

14:12

Um, I think for me, it's wisdom. It's knowing the wisdom. That's what you're talking about, right? The wisdom to know when. Um, for me, when it doesn't. Went in my gut. So what we don't realize is a lot of times when we feel something in our gut that's not right. That's usually for me, like, the spirit saying. And so just the prime example is me, like, starting this business. If you talk to me, like, two years ago and told me, oh, I'm gonna start, I'd be like, you are crazy. Like, you're. What's going on here? And then someone else told me the following year, like, hey, you're not meant to do the 9 to 5. And I was like, okay, whatever. So it was like, I don't feel it. But then when it hit me and a coach said, hey, I don't. You're not meant to do the 9 to 5. In that moment, I was like, wait a minute. This is the third time I've heard this. And now it's not feeling off anymore. It's like, all right, let me actually sit with it. So it's just having that internal conversation with yourself. And if you do have safe people in the sense of people that you trust around you, or even journaling, like, I love to journal and just talk, writing it out sometimes can help you really, like, process what's really going on.

15:36

Because it. That causes you to pivot, though, wouldn't it?

15:40

Yes.

15:40

From what you're currently doing.

15:42

Yes.

15:43

Okay. Can you talk about the pressure just to kind of even focus into pivoting?

15:48

Yeah. So one of the things with this actually whole brain thinking is. And it's actually part of the book There's a whole chapter on the pressure pivot. We're always operating under pressure at some point, and knowing how to pivot your brain or how you think, so to speak, is very integral. And I think what happens is a lot of us get to the water, so to speak, and we're like, no, I don't want to go over that water. I'm good right here. And we just set up camp, but then we look over and see all the things over there, and we're just like, hmm. But it looks so good over there, right? And so it's knowing, like, how do I pivot? And it's. It's something as simple as, like I said, just stepping into the water, right. And testing it. And I'm like, all right, this is going all right so far. And it's always just one foot in front of you. Like, I'm doing this, I'm doing this. And so once that pressure builds up, you can't just throw somebody into the water. Like, you know, we all have people. You're like, man, just go over. You'll be all right. No, they have to make the choice themselves, because if not, what's going to happen? They're going to drown. Right. And they're going to blame you. Right. You told me you pushed me. And then. Or they'll get to the other side bitter, and they can't again receive what it is that is on the other side for them. And so that's the pressure of pivoting and saying it's okay to pivot, right? It's okay. Yeah.

17:17

And because one of the things that when it comes to pivoting, we try to figure out, like, what's next and who's going to be there for us. And you have something that talk about, like, the communication piece. Can you talk about, like, what are those conversations like, or something that we should be writing down in our journal to kind of help with that pivot.

17:40

Let's see.

17:41

Like, where do we start?

17:43

And. No, uh, I think first, starting with how do you think? Right. Understanding you. So I can put a plug in for the whole brain thinking assessment tool, where you need to know yourself first. Right. And so for me, it's four quadrants. If you want me to break it down really quickly here. Um, there's the blue quadrant. Those are the people that want to know the data, the facts. Just give me straight facts. Then you've got the second quadrant. It's the green quadrant. They want to know, how do I get it done? They want the details. Just Give them all the details. Then you've got the third quadrant, which is the yellow quadrant. They want to, excuse me, it's the red quadrant. And they want to know who do, like, who do I connect with to get the job done? Or who do I connect with? And then you've got the fourth quadrant, which are the yellow thinkers. And they're like, well, why am I doing this? Right? And so, for example, me, I am very yellow. So if I don't have the upfront, like, why am I doing this? I'm like, this is nice again, but why are we doing this? And I also have a lot of red in my thinking. And I want the people and I want to know, like, okay, like, why am I doing this and who am I going to connect with? And so if you don't start there, you don't know, like, what happens? And then some people depending on, again, the assessment go, like, for me, when I get stressed and I'm under that pressure, I get even more red. So I'm like, who do I connect with to help me? So I'm the ones picking up the phone, calling a friend. Whereas someone else could get very green, which is the process. And they're just like, tell me what I need to do and I'm going to get it done. Don't talk to me. Don't brainstorm, don't kumbaya. You'll see me when I'm done going through what I'm going through, right? And so I'm learning not to take it personal because I am a people person. But I realize a lot of my friends in my circle, they go like radio silence when they're going through things. And I'm like, hey, is anybody there? You know? And so it's understanding that that's a good place to start as far as communication, and then you can go from there.

19:55

Okay, that makes sense because you do talk about, like, instead of people just talking to each other, you're talking at each other. What is. Why is there such a difference in that? Why is it important to you?

20:08

Because active listening is very important. If you're talking to someone, you're just talking to just talk, right? But are you really talking to be heard and understood and asked questions? And I think if more of us took the time to ask questions when people spoke, and it would make a difference. Because our brains, they're so tricky. It's so tricky. The brain tricks you into going negative. Right? Again, it's like the first reaction is you want to pounce back or find something Wrong. Or a loophole in what the person's saying instead of just trying to understand what they're saying. And try to understand. And then you have your own unconscious biases that are, you've already formulated conclusions. Right. Someone sees me and they're like, they just already formulated conclusion without knowing me. And then it's like, oh, I didn't expect that. Right. And so it's on. I call it unlearning those unconscious biases to just have a conversation with somebody. And it takes a lot.

21:11

It does. I mean, but this podcast, I could tell you this from my experience. Having this podcast has helped me to be more of an active listener. Um, instead of interrupting somebody. Cuz I gotta say a point, it's more so of like let me listen to understand, not to just respond. And I think that's something that's a missing skill. Um, I guess, but how do, but I guess, like how do we become better listeners at that point?

21:38

If you get that answer, you'll be a million dollars. You, you'll, you'll be rich. Um, I think we take the classes because I've taken numerous active listening classes. But it really comes down to practice, right? Are you practicing? And it doesn't, it takes more than, what do they say, 25, 30 days. So it's 60 days or more in a cycle to actually. Excuse me, 60 to 90 days. Yeah, allegedly. Right, exactly. To form a habit. But that, that's not it.

22:10

No, I always say that because this is how I started the book. So with this lovely book, the Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg, which inspired, is the baseline for a lot of other habit books. I always say this is that it really takes less than 30 seconds to create a new habit because it's changing your lifestyle. And what it is, is if the doctor today and you go to the doctors and they say, hey, if you have say all of a sudden they found out you're allergic to peanuts, if you have one peanut, you'll die today. You'll die instantly. You will instantly change your life. You'll go home, you'll throw everything away, you won't hang it, you'll let everybody know, even those HIPAA violations that you're allergic to peanuts. And you would change immediately. So when they say a 60 day, it's intention, it has to be intentional, it has to be purposeful. So that's why I'm always against that 60 day habit thing. Like no, if it's. You got to make the lifestyle, make it happen now. I wanted to give a shout out to Dr. Sev, because she was in here earlier. And I'll put this on the screen, which she says, if you know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. And I think she was talking about the reference to the quote that you mentioned earlier. And she's also written her book, which is about 90% during the. The pandemic, so she still needs to finish. I'm like, come on, Dr. Sarah, it's like six, six years from now. But she did have a good book here. Recommendation, which is the Garden within is an awesome book by Dr. Phillips. Okay. And challenge your thinking. Okay. I'm gonna have to definitely check this out.

24:18

So. Yep, that's a good one.

24:20

Gotta support local authors first. So. Of course, uh, with that being said, talking about the future here, when it comes to understanding our confident levels. Are you called it the four?

24:39

I think it was full brain thinkings.

24:41

Yes, the full brain thinking. Thank you. And having that understanding what, what is it something that we can do right now to kind of help change our futures that you suggest will be like the first starting point.

24:57

Having the courage to just take that one step, which goes back to what you're saying about that habit. You know, just every day, just do one thing that is not your typical everyday routine. It could be something as simple as riding a bike. I don't know, something different. You know what I mean? Reading something, you usually don't go at a different genre, right? Like view something, a podcast, or do something different that you haven't done. And that's how courage is built slowly. And then, then it gives you the courage to step out and do the things that are just like. You're like, wow, I'm doing this.

25:37

Yeah. There's an ongoing debate that I've been dealing with with one of the guys on Instagram. Finally, like, we met up in person first for the first time last year actually. And one of the things that we keep going back and forth on is how important is the environment versus your. Your mindset. So is your mindset changes first or does the environment helps? I mean, what's most impactful to your life, the mindset or the environment?

26:10

I'm on the team mind. Okay. I don't know where you stand. I'm on the team.

26:15

I'm team environment. Aw.

26:17

Okay.

26:18

You say, oh, well, explain more. Explain more why your team mindset.

26:27

Because if you change the way your mind is, it doesn't matter what's going on around You. Right. I guess that's. For me, it's very biblical because if you think of the time when Jesus was around, he basically, there was so much going on and there was chaos and confusion, but it was still his mind. Right. So if you renew your mind, then it doesn't matter what's going on around you. Yes. It may affect you. I'm not going to minimize it and say it's not going to affect you, but. And it will. Like, you will evolve. You will evolve and change. And that's just my thoughts. Because I'm a prime example of my environment is just not healthy. Not saying I'm like, living somewhere where it is what it is, but I'm more like my environment and the people around me, and I am able to still be peace and still carry a sense of calmness in the midst of all that's going on around me.

27:27

Okay.

27:28

I'm not trying to convince you, though.

27:30

You're not convincing me. That was fine. I'm still team environment, but thank you for sharing. Is there anything that we didn't touch on before we get to the final four questions?

27:45

No, this has been great.

27:47

Awesome. All right, you ready for the final four? Sure stuff here. You know, trying this platform out is a little different. All right, hold on. Okay, so the final four questions of the show, which is pretty much the final four questions that we ask just about everybody on the show, they do vary depending on how often you come on the show. So you gotta get the first round pick. Okay, so number one, what does wealth mean to you?

28:18

Well, being able to show up, carrying yourself with the confidence that you have, no matter what. It's not outward for me, it's inward. Wealth is inward because I think you can be rich on the outside and appear rich, but wealthy on the inside, and it's how you carry yourself. So that's what wealth is to me.

28:37

Okay, number two, what was your biggest money lesson?

28:44

That you have to save, be disciplined. I think a lot of times you see everyone else out here doing everything, and you're like, I have the money, but it doesn't mean I need to use it. So that would be my biggest lesson.

28:57

Number three, is there a book that inspired your journey or changed your perspective?

29:02

Um, I think I mentioned it. The garden within by Dr. Anita Phillips. It just really opened my eyes to the importance of not only faith and love, but hope. And without hope, you're just basically just there.

29:17

All right, number four, what is your favorite dish to make?

29:23

You know, I know this sounds weird, and those that are probably listening and be like, the West Indian who doesn't like to cook. What?

29:31

What? Yeah, that's right.

29:32

Yeah, I see. I. I don't. I don't. I was. I don't like to cook, but I do like to eat. But if I had to choose a dish, it would be. I like to bake. So I do like to make the pineapple upside down cake, the pound cake. I'm still trying to do fudge. That's a tricky one. But a food I guess I'd like. My. My rice and peas. My. Can't make doubles. I do have the recipe, but, you know, we're working on it. I could tell you how to get good ones, but that's about it.

30:07

So, yeah, you can tell me where to get good ones here in Maryland.

30:11

Yeah, the verdict's still out on that one.

30:14

Okay.

30:17

Okay.

30:17

Because I was like, D.C. might be close.

30:19

Close.

30:19

Possibly.

30:20

D.C. might be the best. Yes.

30:21

Okay. All right. I'm gonna share some details with you and see if you. You agree.

30:30

Okay?

30:32

Yeah.

30:32

All right.

30:33

I appreciate you being with the honesty. So the last question,

30:41

he's like, wait. It's just. Okay,

30:47

so the last question of the show is where could people find out more about you?

30:52

Yeah. So my website is www.calledintoconfidence.com and everything there about me. The assessment, if you want to take it as well as my book, is all there www.calledintoconfidence.com.

31:09

well, thank you so much for being on the show, Denise. This has been a pleasure. Don't hang up. I'm a do thing. All right, everybody, y' all be safe. We out.

31:20

Peace.

354: [Denise Joseph] Build Confidence with Whole Brain Thinking

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